Roy’s “I Know a Guy” Is Why I Worry

Keeping track of Roy Skeleton’s side quests requires more than knowing where I last left him. He can turn a stop into a business appointment before I’ve finished looking around.

The Mystery Bag Was Business

His need for a shower with the mystery bag and the suspicious amount of preparation initially suggested Roy had a date.

It turned out he had a pickup to make.

He rejoined his delivery network and met one of his contacts. What changed hands, what was in the bag, and where he was headed next remained information he had decided I did not need.

His network already included pirates, aliens, and people who looked comfortable conducting business outside a saloon. This meeting did little to clarify his occupation.

I hoped none of it would attract the attention of the law.

Again.

Someone keeping better track of Roy than I was submitted this picture in the comments. It showed Roy having drinks with another questionable character. That raised additional questions, particularly about the arrow. No explanation followed.

A Guy Who Could Handle the Oil Change

Roy’s contacts became more useful when the 4Runner needed maintenance. Arizona pavement was baking in triple-digit heat. Removing the OEM skid plate meant getting underneath the vehicle, and neither of us was eager to stretch out over that hot surface.

A few calls were made. Arrangements were handled. Highline Car Care took care of the oil change, and we were back on the road without becoming sizzle bacon.

For once, Roy’s “I know a guy” approach produced a result I could put in the maintenance record.

This made evaluating his network difficult. I had concerns about the mystery deliveries, but I appreciated the help with the 4Runner. Apparently, the same contact list could support both.

Deadwood Had Seen Him Before

After Sturgis, Roy had familiar territory on his agenda. An older Deadwood photo showed him on a previous visit, back when he still had both legs and what appeared to be a cleaner record.

The town seemed to suit him. Outlaws had made names for themselves there. Gambling had filled the saloons. Fortunes had changed hands, and bad decisions had become local history.

Roy looked interested in renewing professional relationships.

Perhaps he had unfinished business. Perhaps someone still owed him money from 1876. He supplied nothing that would help me distinguish a reunion from a collections visit.

There was also the matter of the leg. He had left Deadwood with two last time and was returning with one.

Somebody might have wanted to check the security footage before welcoming him back.

His Marketing Plan Was Adhesive

Between appointments, Roy reviewed his sticker collection. I asked him to show me his plan for promoting it. He handed me a sticker that said, “Trust Me, I Have a Plan.”

I waited for the rest of the presentation.

There wasn’t one.

The pirate version added a different outfit, but no supporting documentation. His entire strategy appeared to depend on handing over the sticker and waiting for me to stop asking questions.

At least the printing and mailing were handled professionally.

He knew a guy for that, too.

The Fluffy Cows Required Further Training

Roy also spent time practicing with a bison statue. He approached slowly, reached out a hand, and appeared to decide he was qualified to pet the fluffy cows. The statue offered no resistance. Roy seemed satisfied with his technique.

I had concerns about applying the results to an animal capable of launching him across Wyoming.

The comments supplied an imagined preview: Roy airborne above a bison herd, limbs extended, looking as though his training needed another session.

Technically, he survived. Barely.

I preferred that he continue practicing with something bolted in place.

He Secured a Motorcycle

Eventually, Roy found a blue Harley and climbed aboard.

He looked surprisingly confident for someone with no motorcycle license, no helmet, and only one leg. After Sturgis and Deadwood, he presented this as his transportation plan for catching up with us.

Then I noticed the straps.

Roy said he had secured a motorcycle. Someone else had secured it to a trailer.

That detail explained how he planned to cover the miles without steering, balancing, or putting both feet down at a stop. He had found a ride, although his contribution to operating it appeared limited to sitting upright.

The motorcycle journey sounded impressive. The trailer deserved more credit.

Rex Took Charge of the Reunion

By August 30, Roy finally caught up with us in Colorado. He arrived waving as though he had personally ridden across the plains. According to his account, Rex was excited to see him and immediately volunteered to show him around.

From where I stood, Rex took one look, grabbed the lead, and started pulling our missing skeleton north. September began with Roy back in the operation and Rex handling the tour. Any further side quests would have to fit around the dog’s schedule.

Roy still insisted he had a plan. Rex was the one holding the lead.

Help keep Roy busy and preferably out of trouble. Purchase his “Trust Me, I Have a Plan” sticker so he can spend more time managing his merchandise and less time meeting questionable contacts.